The X-Files Fanbook Project Agent Summer A Phile's Journey September 10, 1993. Although the date has come to mean a lot to me, it wasn't always that way. I honestly don't recall my whereabouts that day. At the time, the day was like any ordinary day in the life of a college freshmen filled with classes, studying, and activities. The realization of the significance of that fateful date would not happen until years later. This is my journey. Like the relationship between Mulder and Scully, my love for the X-files wasn't instant, but increased and evolved with time. It's a journey filled with secrets much like that of a conspiracy. Like Mulder's search, this journey is about finding a truth - my own. It began a long time ago when I was just a child. Always fascinated with the paranormal, my bedroom was filled with books about ghosts, sightings of strange creatures, and other unexplained phenomenon. With my interest in the subject, one might think I'd be instantly hooked on the X-files, but my journey would not be so easy. I honestly can't recall watching my first X-file, except to know it was watched with a family member who enjoyed the show. I'm sure I enjoyed it as well, but only for that hour before returning to focus on my busy life. Time passed, and with graduation, I embarked on a new beginning. Through those years, I might catch an X-files episode from time to time, but never considered myself a fan. One fateful night in the summer of 1998 changed everything for me. I walked into a theatre as a casual viewer of the X-files to see "Fight the Future", but left as a Phile. No film before or since has left me feeling so exhilarated. With the paranormal and conspiracy background brilliantly painted around the amazing chemistry between Mulder and Scully, I finally realized what propelled the X-files into the phenomenon it was! After that, I gathered every Sunday night along to get the first glimpse of Mulder and Scully's latest adventures. Each unexplained case peaked even more of my interest. Every unresolved romantic moment serving to increase my enthusiasm. Still, in my excitement for what was becoming an obsession, my feelings remained, to most, hidden. I really can't fully explain my reasons for keeping quiet about something that was so important to me. Perhaps it was linked to some painful moments in my past of being thought of as different, an outcast, a forgotten soul at times. As I began my adult life, I wanted to leave that in the past and fit in. Since most of the people in my life weren't into the X-files, following a sci-fi show with the degree of dedication I had was viewed as nerdy, weird, and different - exactly the things I wanted to avoid. So, I watched in silence. Holding inside the pain I felt as David Duchovny began to depart ways with the X-files in the 8th season and my dislike for Agent John Doggett, Mulder's so-called "replacement". In an attempt to escape my solitude, I joined the official X-files message board, my only real outlet for all that I was holding inside. There, I met a wonderful group of people that seemed to welcome me with open arms. Knowing there were others out there who thought and felt as I did about this show was a truly wonderful gift. While many fans turned away from the show or criticize this period as one of the weakest in the show, the incredible discussions I had about the show during this time will always make me look upon the final two seasons in fondness. As I opened my eyes to the X-files community, I allowed myself to see the X-files as more than just a show about Mulder and Scully too. As Scully came to know and trust Doggett, I too found myself open to him joining the X-files. Yes, Doggett was certainly not Mulder, but he was an interesting and well-thought out character and I found myself wanting to know more about him. The 8th season also introduced Agent Monica Reyes, who was slated to step in as Doggett's partner should the series continue past Gillian Anderson's departure. Scully is a strong, intelligent woman character, and for a long time I considered her my favorite. With talk of losing our beloved Scully, I was surprised to find myself not harboring the same resentment and dislike for Reyes as I had at first for Doggett. Portrayed as a smoker and quirky, I wasn't sure what to make of Reyes. Could her Morley smoking habit be linked to the Cigarette Smoking Man, I wondered. My feelings were of indifference towards the new female agent. As initial reactions go, Reyes to me was simply okay, but nothing outstanding or special. A discussion on the message board with another fan, suggesting that perhaps Reyes, given the profile on the official website, was written to possibly be the missing Samantha Mulder gave me a new perspective on her. Although never proven (or disproven either), this theory sparked my interest in the character. As I got to know Reyes more, I found myself relating even more to her than I had to Scully. Compared to Scully, Reyes was flawed with unconventional perspectives and even vices. Her perspective on the paranormal as neither a full skeptic or believer mirrors my own view on the subject. Having found a character so like myself, I decided to try use Reyes as the main character in a new aspiration. With a little encouragement from my Phile friends, I went to work on my very first fan-fic. The experience allowed me to expand my understanding of the characters, and take them to new and exciting situations that moved beyond the show. As my fan-fics gave new outlets to the characters, I began to slowly remove some of the walls I had put up around my X-files obsession. One of my friends wrote short stories, so I allowed her to look at my fan-fic stories. Although not a fan of the show, her positive response was encouraging, giving me confidence to not be as guarded about my enjoyment. That was about the time I learned that the 9th season would be the last for the X-files. The devastating news pushed me back into my shell again. Talking about the end of something that I enjoyed so much only caused the feelings of grief to resurface, so instead the topic was avoided. May 19, 2002 seemed to come and go in a heartbeat. Like so many, I spent the evening watching the series finale. My high hopes for a worthy resolution to the groundbreaking series were ultimately unfulfilled, causing me to withdraw from fan-fic writing for a while. After a couple of years and seemingly no hope for another movie, my downward spiral continued. I moved away from the message board and onto other things that only partially filled the void left by the X-files. Then, one day it happened. Another X-files movie was announced! That emptiness that I'd carried disappeared and was filled with anticipation and excitement. Several days in advance, I purchased tickets for the midnight showing on July 25th, 2008 , and got there early for the best seats in the theatre. I still recall the feeling of pure joy as the lights went down and the opening music began. Seeing Mulder and Scully together was like spending time with old friends. Ultimately, "I Want to Believe" didn't live up to my exorbitant expectations or instill the exhilarating feelings I'd had during "Fight the Future", but perhaps it gave me something more important: a proud sense that I am a Phile. After so many years of feeling a need to hide my passion for the X-files, I've finally reached a point in my life that I am comfortable in my own skin. For the first time, I displayed my "I Want to Believe" poster for all to see. I began writing fan-fic again, creating video tributes to the show, and even helping out on X-files podcasts. There is nothing wrong with embracing your own interests, even if they are unique. It's the differences that really define who we are. Wanting a fitting end for Mulder and Scully, I've long wished for another movie, but can't say for certain it will happen. Perhaps the journey is truly more important than the final destination. We've traveled from Washington DC to Antarctica and many places in between with Mulder and Scully, enjoying each step of the way. My life has been a fantastic journey this far, and I can't imagine where I'd be without the X-files. There are not enough words to express how eternally grateful I am to have this wonderful show and all the fantastic experiences because of it in my life. So let me say from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for 9 wonderful seasons, 2 great movies, and a lifetime of memories I will always cherish. Agent Summer